When I heard my queen was going to do an AMA for reddit, I literally dropped everything and sat my ass down to read the flood of weird questions people were going to ask her. I personally froze and couldn’t think of anything I wanted to ask. I was too overwhelmed with trying to keep up with the thread. Her answers, of course, were classic Martha. I was squeeling and giggling and talking to myself saying things like, “Classic Martha. Oh my God she said dildo. She’s such a bitch. Love her”.
Here’s a little background on me and Martha. I was this thing called a latchkey kid. You know, the kids that go home to an empty house where they make a microwave dinner and sit in front of the TV until someone decides to show up. Can you guess what one of my favorite shows was? Yep. Martha Stewart Living on PBS. I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to do crafts and use drills. I dreamed of moving into an old farmhouse in Connecticut and growing my own lettuce. I wanted proper dinners with perfect turkeys. I wanted that whole lifestyle. I learned so much from her. I spent all of my alone time practicing how to fold a fitted sheet, how to arrange the perfect gift basket, and how to make papier mache Halloween masks. I liked that she was kind of cold and bitchy because I’ve always been a little cold and bitchy too. She was basically my ideal power bitch role model.
But let’s get serious, my favorite Martha moments happen when she loosens her aprons strings and gets a little real. I get really excited when she does something like a Howard Stern interview or throws shade on Twitter because then it’s like SHE’S JUST LIKE US. This AMA was one of those moments. I mean look at this shit. The first thing she did was summon Snoop!
Then she said some classic Martha stuff.
Then she threw a little shade.
Then Snoop came up again.
Then she talked a little about her stint in the slammer.
Then shit got weird.
Then she drifted away like a ship in the night. Did you read it? Did you have any favorite Martha AMA moments?